If you have never been hurt, then stop reading this now. It will not be relevant for you; unless you want to learn so you can help someone else that has been hurt. It is most likely that you have not only been hurt; but hurt by someone you cared about. That made the hurt worse. We can never promise that we will never hurt someone, even someone we love very much. It is inevitable. It is what we DO with that hurt that is important. The choice comes in holding onto the offense or releasing it. You can actually choose to not take offense. You can also choose to let go of an offense that you did take. We have that power to free ourselves from feeling bad for the rest of our lives over a hurt.
You don’t have to hang onto anger or seek to pay back someone. Releasing those negative feelings toward someone who has hurt you will free you from a bondage, or hold, they have on you. Many times the person who has hurt us, doesn’t even know the extend of the harm they have done. Or in some cases they may not care. They go on through time without being bothered by what has happened.
The way to be free from the hurt is to forgive them. It isn’t for them, it is for you.
In a marriage relationship people hurt each other very often. If the small hurts continue to build they can become a huge barrier between the spouses. To let your spouse know that you have been hurt and then to forgive them is all you can do. If by letting them know of your hurt they are sorrowful and acknowledge their wrong it is easier to forgive them. But even if they don’t confess their wrong, you can choose to forgive them anyway. Let me say again, that is your choice and within your power to do so. It doesn’t matter if they deserve it or not. It is not about you feeling like it or not. It is about you releasing the hold the hurt can have on you and be free from bitterness or resentment that can grow from the unforgiveness you will carry around.
Being guilty of hurting someone will not necessarily make you repentant to stop doing it. Being forgiven can give you motivation to not harm again. Understand that I am not promoting someone put themselves in harm’s way or allow themselves to stay in an abusive situation. Safety from emotional and physical abuse is always the path to take. If you are not in present danger or the threat has diminished, there is the aftermath that leads you to the choice to be free from harboring the hurt, or not.
A healthy marriage has two forgivers, who forgive freely and often. The same is true for families, offices, bands, mission teams or any other collection of people who are in a relationship for a duration of time. Oh, by the way, forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation, but that is another blog.
