If you drive a vehicle, or ride a bike, or a horse, or run, or walk, or if you have ever been in a situation where you have seen someone do one of these things, then you will understand what I am about to say. It is obvious when you think about it. It is essential that you do it to avoid collisions. It is one of the basics of traveling. Let me call it, “Forward Motion” 101.
Ready for this?
LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING!
I know you are stunned right now as you think, “Wow, Keith you are amazing! The insight, the wonder of this deep, rich and profound truth of the ages you have just shared with us! “Yes, you should hold your applause. Really, please be seated. This is embarrassing.
We know this simple truth or principle in life. We take it for granted that it is the thing to do and most of the time we do it. If not, the consequences are usually severe for us and others that are impacted by our decision — literally impacted. We are talking about physical mass and motion here.
Do you remember the first time you successfully pedaled a bicycle without someone running alongside you holding you up, helping you move forward, coaching you along as you wobbled and swerved? My dad tried the run-along-side method in the driveway a few times. I don’t know what he was thinking as he strived to teach me; his first-born, his son to master the skill of riding the bicycle. Maybe he had a vision of me, years ahead having reached his level and beyond to ride a Harley like he had, etc.
Before we started the actual riding skills lessons, he gave me a “once-over” he called it to learn the parts of the bike and how they all worked together to provide you transportation and hours of fun moving along over almost any surface. Even water. But that is another story. Remind me to tell you that one later.
I learned the basics of seat and proper height, handlebars adjusted correctly, grips tight, no slipping or sliding. As I sat on my bike, training wheels still attached, dad got on his larger bike and rode up and down the street in front of me showing me a variety of things to do as you go forward on a bicycle. Then he turned around and sat backwards on the seat, reclined slightly and placed his hands on the handlebars. And to my astonishment, he pressed his heels down onto the pedals and began to ride the bicycle backwards!
I felt pride as I saw my dad, a strong, sturdy guy, sitting backwards riding at a fast pace on the road in front of me. I had never seen anyone do that, and there was my dad doing it. I knew at that moment that is was possible to do such a thing. I noticed that dad kept a steady focus on where he was going by turning his head to face the direction he was going. It certainly must have not been the most comfortable position but it was important. If he had peddled along looking backwards it would have been a short ride. He did glance over at me as he went by with his familiar huge grin. I think it was a proud dad moment for him too.
That afternoon, he called me to come to the back of the house. We had a small yard with a few large trees between the back porch and the large terrace with roses that ended the property line at the back alley. He had placed a large sheet of plywood over the steps of the concrete porch making a ramp. It was glorious! He was standing at the top of the ramp holding my bicycle, grinning. He waved me to climb onto the bike. I mounted, dad’s big hands holding me steady. I looked down at the sides of my bike and the training wheels were gone! My palms were sweating, heart pounding. I felt like the guys I had seen on TV on skis at the Olympics, leaning forward ready to swish down the huge ice & snow slide and eventually soar into the air. I was ready to roll. My first solo flight was about to happen.
Dad said, “Ready?” I nodded. I felt a gentle push and was released to travel with the help of gravity and my feet peddling. I held the handlebars tight in my grip, looking at the end of the ramp approaching. As I gained speed I entered onto the grass. I looked at my feet to be sure I didn’t let my feet slip off the pedals. I was riding! 2, then 5, then 10 feet of unassisted travel had happened. I couldn’t believe it; I was riding a bicycle by myself. Then the bike suddenly stopped.
The tree lost a chunk of bark from the impact of me and the bike striking it full on. As I soared onward over the handle bars I heard a familiar laugh from the top of the ramp. My victory was abruptly ended because I was focused looking down and not looking forward.
The memory of that moment has carried me through other life lessons. It can be of help to others when I remind them to keep looking forward. Think about how we drive our cars. We look side to side and in the rear view mirror for brief glances to have an awareness of what is happening around us. Our focus is forward most of the time. If not, well I don’t have to explain any further.
My work with people in conflict or crisis situations is mostly present/future oriented. Knowing the past, (rear-view mirror glance) is important to understand how we got to where we are. An awareness of who else is involved (side to side look) is necessary to know how things are aligned, or misaligned in the moment. But the look forward into the future (windshield) is the view we must use most to not be stuck, to move forward.
