Working through relational conflict is like going to the dentist. What? That doesn’t sound like a good analogy to make someone feel comfortable about the process does it? Let me explain. I went to get a cleaning for my teeth this week. As I was undergoing the process I thought of some positive examples of the similarity. You know, you have to think about something while you are sitting there and my mind wandered in this direction.
- Trust– You establish a confidence, (or a lack of it) early in your visit to the dentist. Who is this person about to explore your mouth? Can I trust them to have my best interest in mind when I allow them to look inside me? Do they seem to care about me?
- Opening up – Am I willing to open up and let them know what has been happening in my life? Do I let them in to know me? Was this a mistake to come here? What will they do when they see inside and learn about my situation?
- Staying available – Once the procedure begins, will I be able to stop and rest? Is it ok to close up a moment before opening up again? Will I be able to communicate with them as they are gathering their information that I am still comfortable with the process?
- Relaxing – As the process continues will I be ok? Will there be pain? If so, how will my care provider respond to me and my attempts to show my discomfort?
- Assessing the results – What will happen to me once they learn my condition? When the information has been gathered and the initial work of discovery finished how will the findings be shared? Will there be good news and hope for my situation, regardless of what has been done, or not done, in the past?
- Agreeing on a plan – The conclusions of my condition will lead to recommendations and decisions to move forward. What will need to happen immediately versus what will need to be done in another visit together? How will I be able to negotiate the outcome with the professional attending to me; in a friendly way? Will I leave with a sense of support and care for my future?
- Moving forward – Once the truth is known how do we proceed? Am I confident still in placing myself in the hands of this professional? Will I be better off, even if some pain is involved, removing the build up of negative things that have occurred to me? Will something be done now so I can be healthier?
These seven phases, and the questions they bring, can be applied to our work at TOGETHER.
- Will your first impression of us be one of trust and confidence that we care and have your best interest in mind?
- Will you open up to us and let us in to know what has happened; and is happening to you?
- Will you stay focused and available mentally and emotionally to share your underlying interests and needs?
- Will you be able to relax and trust the process we will use to help you?
- Will you be willing hear the feedback from our assessment?
- Will you work with us to find an agreement on how to proceed?
- Will you be committed to do the work together to move forward for a healthier future?
I am confident that you will be able to say “yes” to all of these questions. Unlike the dentist, we don’t do insurance billing or give you a new toothbrush. However, we will help you maintain your good health by preventing future conflict or help repair your current damage for a better, healthier future — and give you a good smile again.
