Yield and Nudge

On my way to work I pass a couple of intersections that are difficult for the vehicles from the smaller side streets to enter into the flow of the rush hour traffic. I am in a small town, so what I am about to describe takes place in a setting with a two lane side street intersecting with a four lane road, during what I affectionately call, “Rush Minute” versus “Rush Hour” in the more populated areas.

One morning, running on time, I was in a generous mood. A car was trying to merge into the lane just ahead of me and no one was giving space to allow it to turn right and enter in with us. I braked my vehicle down to a slow roll and motioned with my hand for the driver to pull in front of me into my lane. Smiles and waves were exchanged and the good deed was done.

Everyone around seemed to feel good about the act of kindness and the opportunity to yield a moment to allow someone else to progress too. Except for the driver immediately behind me who whipped the vehicle around me and sped up about two car lengths to wait in line to turn left. An angry, aggressive response to my pause to help; which resulted in a gain of about 40 feet of advancement and no doubt, elevated heart rate and adrenaline levels in the body of the driver.

The lanes of traffic came to a halt only seconds after the driver merged in front of me in line. The traffic light up ahead was red. After waiting for the intersection traffic to have their time of passage and then an additional wait for the cars in the far left lane to proceed with their left turns the light was green again for my lane to roll. Twenty of the twenty-one cars ahead of me began to roll forward. The car I had just let in didn’t move. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 seconds went by. A short time usually, but in traffic lines that can become a long wait. I felt the tension around me as I saw the cars waiting behind me crouch ever closer to my bumper. I saw that the driver’s head was bowed down. Praying, napping, texting, passed out, I couldn’t tell what was happening.

I honked my horn, briefly with a firm intent to give a nudge to the distracted, or possibly disabled, driver. The response was immediate. Head popped back into the upright position, eyes glanced back to me and then to the front and forward progress was initiated.

As usual my thoughts went to conflict management.

  • First, I reflected on the driver who impatiently sped forward to not be slowed down by allowing someone else to join in the journey — only to not really gain any advantage for himself in regards to time or distance traveled. His conflict was managed by a take-charge, impulse that gave him a momentary sense of control and advantage.
  • Second, I thought about what had happened with the driver in front of me and how that sometimes the “yield and nudge” dance happens with people.  They are focused in the moment, urgent to get involved in the activity.  Once in, they become unaware of what is happening around them and need a nudge to refocus on the moment again. Their conflict management is to seek assistance to start moving forward from a place of being stuck, only to need another nudge to keep moving.
Maybe you have seen people react to conflict in these ways? A more personal question is; how did you react to them?